Day 41..."Keep it broken before Jesus; keep it thankful, meek, and pure"

“Love “…“Growth”…“Nurturing”: These are such positive words, but when put into practice they are imperfect, messy, and require perseverance. 

Our youth group at my church has gone through a lot of transitions in the past year and one of those areas of transition has been moving from leader led ministry to creating student led, student run ministry groups with coaches. The students are taking ownership of connecting with one another, planning events, running all the technology and leading the youth group in worship.

In fact, when you walked into the junior high room at our church, you will be carried into worship by an all junior high worship band.

I remember seeing each of my children at birth…just speechless at the beauty of new life…I remember rejoicing in each developmental milestone they experienced as well as cherishing seeing their personalities develop as their gifts and passions slowly emerged. 

The experience of guiding them and holding them with open hands to God has been the hardest and most rewarding thing I have experienced in my life.  Watching their individual temperaments, gifts and passions develop is pretty incredible.  It is a privilege to see the transformation process in my children  from  helpless babies, to  caring, giving, vibrant young people who are actively seeking God’s revealing and refining  of the gifts he has entrusted to each of them.

For the past few Wednesdays and Sundays I have watched the junior high students in our youth group step up and serve God boldly with their gifts.  I am in awe of God’s wonderful love and shaping of those who hold their hearts and minds open in obedience to His call on their lives.

I am thinking tonight about the value of giving students a safe and caring place to explore the gifts God has graciously give each of them.  I am thinking about how important it is for the students to have those gifts identified and nurtured by their parents, caring leaders and encouraged by other students.  Being in an environment where students are owning their faith and growing their gifts is a pretty awesome place to be!

So my blog tonight is for the students in the youth ministry. 

I want to encourage you to continue to  use your gifts, to take risks and to know it is okay if you don’t do it perfectly…no one does…God cares about your heart response to him. He will never stop growing you if you stay open to his teaching and his grace.

And I want to thank you.  You inspire me to continue to seek ways God wants me to serve and risk and grow…to remain surrendered and to keep my heart attentive and soft to his call.

Don't let your heart be hardened - don't let your love grow cold
May it always stay so childlike - may it never grow too old
Don't let your heart be hardened - may you always know the cure
Keep it broken before Jesus; keep it thankful, meek, and pure

-Don Hartman (Petra)



Long Obedience...Day 40

"serve" by leanne

In the dark and the cold long after the rest of the mission team had gathered in the Hacienda to get warm and share dinner together, I could still hear the pounding of hammers and the laughter coming from 3 high school students repairing a deck for the staff housing at Rancho el Refugio.  After working all morning repairing the road leading up to the school and going into the poorest part of town to spend the afternoon with some children there, they began work on the porch.

As I listened to them work I reflected on how the opportunity to go on the family mission trip year after year has been heart-transforming for all of the families.  I noticed the transformation more acutely in my son’s heart during this most recent trip than I ever have before.

 Dan and Ivy Simpson have helped many of us embrace the vision to provide a quality academic and spiritual education to the poorest children in Ensenada, Mexico.  Dan has become a spiritual hero to my son, Brian. Dan and his wife, Ivy exemplify the phrase “long obedience in the same direction”.  I wish all teen-agers could have heroes like Dan and Ivy in their lives.  Dan is in his mid 70’s.  He retired from being a general contractor and headed to the mission field along with his wife, Ivy. Each year in February a few families from our church spend a week in Ensenada helping build the school that will soon serve street children and orphans in Ensenada. Dan has encouraged our families every year with unbelievable patience as we have muddled through building projects….although many of the men on the family mission trip are skilled at carpentry and construction…most of us are simply learning on the job when we go down there. 

Becoming aware of the transformation of Brian from a worker to a servant…from a performer of worship songs to a worshipping leader was so sweet to see on this latest trip…and it wasn’t just Brian…it is a process I have seen in all the families on the trip. There are no words to describe what a privilege it is to experience being part of the vision for the children in Ensenada…to see a school rise up out of the dust…pushing past set backs and financial challenges, and years of keeping at it and persevering to the point that after thousands of hands have touched the building materials, after thousands of hours of hard work, laughter, tears, and prayers…the school is almost ready to open!

And it isn’t just that a school is opening that is so beautiful, it is the opening of hearts…like Brian’s to move from drawing attention to himself and wanting compensation for his labor… to seeing him so caught up in the project…so caring for the children that will soon be able to go to school… to see him so lost in worship that he pulls me into deeper communion with God…the whole heart transformation process itself is so humbling.

I know I will fail at times when it comes to long obedience in the same direction…I already have more times than I can count…and I know each of us will struggle with obedience from time to time…but I am so glad to have people in my life who are further down the road than I am, like Dan and Ivy, who help me see how God uses long obedience in the same direction to bring glory to Himself and the saving message of Jesus to our painful world.

pouring contempt on pride...Day 39

"surrendering"

I have been convicted in my spirit that trying to make a piece of art and blog about it each day has become an issue of pride for me. 

I would like to explain…

The idea behind the blog was to use it as a tool to explore what God is teaching me as I prepare for the next step of my life journey which is what is commonly called the “empty nest” and to encourage others.  I am pretty sure my initial motivation was a positive thing and in line with God’s will. 

Then several things happened, almost all at the same time.  My husband had two trips to the ER and then had gall bladder surgery, my son broke his collar bone, and I was offered a job that I was not expecting to be offered until June. When added to the commitments that already existed, all these things together have had a substantial impact on my time, energy, and challenge level. 

However, I had already let people know that I was doing a “365 of art/blog project” and people have been encouraging me and praising my work and insights which I have really appreciated.

But, I began to let the feedback become too important to me…it sort of built me up and fed my ego.  It isn’t that I became less aware that the art and the insights are gifts from God, but that I made the idea of getting the blog done each day a priority over most everything else.  God has been whispering in my spirit to let go a little and be more realistic about my capacity to create on the level I have been everyday, given my current commitments and new responsibilities at work.

 I didn’t want to let go.  Even when my husband gently encouraged me that the art blog didn’t need to be an “everyday thing”  and I told him I agreed,  I still kept up the pace.  When I disregard my husband’s input…that is pride.  When I tell him he is right, but keep doing my own thing, that is also pride.  God is not a big fan of pride!

I have been wrestling with the idea of letting the blog slide a little and making it less than daily.  Those of you who know me, know that I can be “crazy tenacious” when I set a goal (like running the Boston Marathon 6 weeks after knee surgery)…always wanting to do my best, and pridefully not wanting to admit I am too weak to finish everything I start or that I can’t really cram one more thing into my schedule. 

The truth is that sometimes plans do need revision and I need to be humble and surrender my plans into God’s hands…always and continually.  I have been arrogant  in behaving like I have a better idea of what I can handle and what I should do than my Creator!

So anyway, somewhere in the last 15 days or so the blog became mostly about getting it done and less about God speaking to my heart.  I know this because I feel stressed everyday about completing it and I am not hearing God in my spirit like I was at the beginning.  I even heard myself say with a heavy sigh last night, “36 days down…only 329 to go!”

So tonight, I want to let you know that I am pouring contempt on my pride and arrogance over making this blog about me and my ability to produce.  I don’t believe God wants me to abandon the project, but I am certain he wants to revise it and is asking me to yield more to his Spirit and push back at my pride. So I am.

Now that I am surrendering the “365 days of art” to God’s way of doing it, I have no idea how often I will be posting.  But I will tell you that there is great freedom and peace that come from a softened heart toward God’s teaching. 

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

By Isaac Watts

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Cherish...day 38

My art and blog tonight are for my husband, Don

Don…

Thank you for including me in your group of friends 34 years ago when I was “the new kid” in junior high.

Thank you for caring that I was lost

Thank you, that as we moved onto high school, you remained my friend even though I was not especially warm or reciprocating of friendship

Thank you that you still cared that I was lost

Thank you that you invited me to Young Life.

Thank you that you kept asking me to Young Life even though my answer was always “no”

Thank you for realizing that large groups petrified me and inviting me to a small group bible study with your friends.

Thank you that you were there the night I became a Christian in the spring of 1980

Thank you for being tenacious in trying to keep in touch with me once we moved on to college

Thank you that when the bottom was falling out of my world you talked to me about Jesus

Thank you that when I rejected your romantic approaches when we were seniors in college that you saw the woundedness and shame behind that rejection and remained kind and caring

Thank you for pursuing me

Thank you for seeing me as worthy of being your wife.

Thank you that stayed by my side during my dark days…before the healing

Thank you that you wanted to have lots of kids

Thank you that you provide

Thank you for your integrity

Thank you for making me laugh

Thank you that you cry when your heart is touched

Thank you that you take seriously the call for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church

Thank you for being my steady and gracious companion

Thank you for being a wise, loving, deeply involved and father in our children’s lives

Thank you for seeing my gifts and encouraging me to use them

Thank you for cheering for me no matter what crazy challenge I take on

Thank you for understanding that when art takes over, I am messy

Thank you for understanding my need to nurture squirrels, rats, and most recently, rabbits

Thank you for helping feel like I belong…that I matter…that I am cherished.

Thank you for loving God with your whole heart, mind, soul, and strength

And thank you for sending me flowers at my new job today…with a note saying I am awesome, lovely and a great mom…that made my day!

You know, I can’t stand country music….none the less…

This much I know is true:

God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

I love you, Don!

-Leanne

touching pain...Day 37

The pervasive experience I have seen this week in relationships is that people are hurting.

Then, today I was in a mentoring class and we were discussing grief.  At the table I was sitting at we did a role play where one person played the part of a person experiencing loss on multiple levels and the rest of us made efforts to care for that person. 

Now it was only a role play, so I was surprised by the level of emotion that kicked in.  Playing the role of the mentor/encourager I felt this heavy weight of responsibility to touch the wounded one's pain with great care and respect and in a way that was meaningful to them.  I felt completely inadequate.  Those are the kinds of moments when I silently pray that the actions I take and the words I utter will be directed by God so that I cause no further wounding. I am not a healer.  God is.  I can only be a companion on a healing journey 

I thought about this again later in the day as I reflected on specific situations where people I know are aching terribly right now...anxiety and despair...the loss of a baby...the loss of a relationship.

In my personal experiences of terrible loss I don't think anyone could convince me that "good" would come from it, and furthermore, I didn't really think the "good" could possibly be worth the pain I was suffering. When people told me it would all "work out for the good"...I wanted to believe them, but I honestly thought they just didn't get it! 

Then a person came alongside me and sat with me in silence.  I remember that powerful silence...sitting there waiting for them to tell me some pat answer of how all things work for the good and that I was going to be okay.  They said nothing...then more nothing! I  finally said, "I don't know how to hope anymore!"  They said, "I know, that is why I am hoping for you...just until you have the strength to hope again."

I don't know why, but those words helped me hold on. 

The snapshot of that time in my life would suggest to the average spectator that nothing good could possibly come out of what happened....but it did.  It is so hard to see the big picture during grieving time...the pain was invading my vision and it was too hard to see through it. 

But God (and I am noticing more and more that when I write of life experiences there is always a "but God" in them) has made promises and he cannot break his promises. This teaches me that sometimes the most meaningful thing I can do is stay in the presence of someone's pain with them while they experience the sometimes painstakingly slow process of  the promised"beauty for ashes" for themselves.

 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAYYx_NVa9s&feature=related

tear prayers...Day 36



Prayer is
the falling of a tear.
Oswald Chambers
(1874-1917)


The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
Psalm 51:17



 

thinking about seeds...Day 35

"sowing seeds" by leanne

I started a new job about 2 weeks ago.  As a physical therapist aide, God has provided me with a position that involves a great deal of interpersonal contact with patients.  Honestly, the first week I was trying so hard to absorb new information and new procedures that I didn't realize what a rich environment God had placed me in to sow my faith. 

This week, however, as I have settled in a little bit, I am beginning to get my eyes off my own anxious thoughts and have had more meaningful conversation with  patients.  I have always loved to hear people's stories and now, as I am helping patients with their exercises or setting them up for ice and other procedures, they are sharing with me about their lives. 

I don't know exactly how God is going to use me in this setting because I must use discretion and be appropriate in my conversations with patients; meaning  there are limits when it comes to discussing my faith. I must honor those boundaries. 

However, I have no limits on the amount of care or encouragement I can offer. I can also pray for patients.  Maybe I can sow seeds that way.  But, I wonder if I am really sowing seeds if I don't share about Jesus... if I never get the chance to tell anyone the  reason for the hope that is in me. 

I don't have an answer for that.  Right now I will just ask God to guide me in showing love and care to each patient and my coworkers in ways that are meaningful to them and honoring to Him.

I have this note tacked onto my wall near my desk at home.  I do not know the author, but I read this note often...because I need to...because sometimes it is very easy to get consumed by earthly business, missing the opportunities to invest myself in things that last for eternity.

Here is the note:

"Many times I miss opportunities to participate in eternal business because I am so focused on earthly business.  My agenda because my god and time management my idol.  I could have been "God with skin on" to the frustrated cashier at the grocery store instead of brushing her aside because I was in a hurry to do something I deemed more important.  I could have blessed the friend who called needing an encouraging word, instead of preaching an unsolicited sermon in the name of compassion.  I could have taken a few more minutes to listen when an elderly man struck up a conversation with me at the gas pump, instead of walking away, leaving him just as lonely as when we met.

Jesus did things differently.  With every breath, He was aware of the hurting and wounded, pursuing the broken people instead of avoiding them.  Jesus carefully and deliberately invested every moment of His time on earth in eternal things."

-author unknown 

I want to be more like Jesus.