Enlarging the tent...Day 24





"big tent"-by leanne

God gave me a little surprise today.  The day started early and was very full.  As I headed into the evening, I still had a few pages of my bible study to complete, before leading our small group through the lesson tomorrow morning.  I really felt like letting it slide and showing up unprepared, rather than sitting down and putting concentrated focus and effort into the material. My mind was so weary.

I convinced myself to buckle down and work on the study in small chunks…after a few “chunks” it was easier to keep going…..and then God gave me a treasure to ponder…

First, quick background…I set a goal to do a piece of art each day and blog about it as a tool to open my heart up to where God is leading me as I prepare to enter a new phase of life…the emptying nest.   I’ve wanted to be mom for as long as I can remember, and I love every age and stage of development, even though it is really hard sometimes.  The thought of this time coming to and end has left me feeling sorrow and insecurity.  It has been hard for me to figure out how God could use me in a different role.

Here’s the treasure:  Tonight my bible study took me to Titus 2:3-5, 11-15.  Basically, as I read it, I realized how God has done a work in my life over the past 8 months that has brought many spiritual children into my life to love and encourage and guide. 

“If God chose for you to have physical children, prepare yourself!  They will grow up!  Then it is time to enlarge your tent and invest in spiritual children.”

(Beth Moore, Breaking Free)

All the while I have been experiencing and expressing a sense of loss as my children are entering adulthood, God has been bringing precious students into my life to invest in…enlarging my tent.  

Empty nest + Open heart to God = the need for a bigger tent!

Yeah, I think I can embrace this!

“God calls us to be fruitful and multiply until He calls us home.”

From Breaking Free by Beth Moore

  

tender...Day 23

"running home by leanne"

I drove into our church parking lot early for a meeting before church. I was  feeling broken....downhearted and broken.  In a way I just wanted to turn around and drive back home and not risk anyone seeing the chinks in my armor.  But I had commitments I needed to keep, and in my heart, I  need to worship God in the storms...I am compelled to...I don't know how else to explain it really.

It was truly beautiful how God comforted my heart as I navigated my way through the morning. Each interaction I had with the students and other leaders...I mean every single one was filled with tenderness and care. I am doing my blog from a place of gratefulness tonight.

The picture I drew for today's blog is of a child running into her father's arms...that is what today was like for me...

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

Lyrics from The Warrior is a Child by Twila Paris

ping pong lessons...Day 22

ping pong ball

 

I am not sure which is harder…playing ping pong or assembling a ping pong table from scratch.  What I do know is that putting a ping pong table together with a bunch of students and youth leaders is pretty awesome! 

The tables were not easy to put together.  The directions for assembly were cryptic.  The illustrations made you go “HUH?” And truth be told…we did a little improvising.  I loved all the different approaches people took…some were systematic, some were a little random (that was me), some were careful and meticulous, and others use brute force.  For a moment I stood back and just watched.  I realized that the process of putting together a ping pong table had a couple similarities to our spiritual lives.

1.        You can’t be passive…you've got to open the box.  The body of Christ just doesn’t work well when we are passive.  If we had all sat around admiring the boxes that the tables came in, we would never be able to serve those coming to celebrate and play in the ping pong tournament. Likewise, if we sit around passively in church but never jump in and participate we are not fulfilling God’s plan.

2.       Instructions are helpful.  The assembly instructions for the ping pong table were written by the designer of the table... The Bible isn’t a clever piece of literature with a few great ideas in it. It is very word of God, the One who designed us…it makes sense that we should pay attention to all that is written in it.

3.       We need everyone’s unique gifts to work the best.  Putting together the ping pong table really illustrated how we each bring different gifts to the table (pun intended) and each of those gifts contributed something to the finished project, not to mention the building experience. The same is true for the body of Christ.

4.       Sometimes we need help.  While assembling the tables there were times when someone would help another person who was struggling with a drill, or hinge, or something.  Same thing is true in our spiritual journeys…we all need help understanding the directions sometimes, or help getting back on track when we veer of the path.

5.       We need to get rid of the garbage.  The ping pong tables came in large boxes that took up a lot of space.  If we had left them on the floor and tried to assemble around them or worse yet, tried to run the tournament with them…they would have got in the way and slowed everyone down, and some one could get hurt by tripping of sliding on one.  Same with our spiritual walks…we need to get rid of the junk that can hurt us or hurt others…laying aside the sin that so easily entangles us (from Hebrews 12:1)

I was just thinking…it’s wild…I‘ve prayed to God asking for help keeping my mind and heart open to the ways he is revealing himself to me…but I never thought when I started this blog project that he would use a ping pong table assembly experience as a blog topic!

My "Barnabas"...Day 21





"weak-by leanne"

  

Early on Friday mornings I meet with a dear friend.  We talk about the week, the things that are going well, the challenges, and we laugh a lot.  Eventually when we have finished catching up with each other, we spend time talking about a book we are reading together about Esther. These times together are like oxygen to my whole being!

The past two weeks were kind of crazy for me and I have been in a little brain fog from lack of sleep and a lot of people  I care deeply about being on my mind.  So this morning I woke up and forgot it was Friday!  At 7 am when I suppose to be pulling into our meeting place, I was grabbing the car keys to drive my son to school.

When it hit me that it was Friday I realized my friend had probably already driven in traffic to our meeting place and was waiting there for me.  The following text exchange is just one of many examples of how thankful I am to have a "Barnabas" to walk through life with me.

Me: I am so sorry!  I totally forgot it is Friday morning!  I am about to drive Brian to school and today is the first day of my new job...can we try to meet early next week? Please pray for me, I am overwhelmed and don't feel up to starting a new job, I want to get my house back in order and sleep.

My friend:  Let's talk Sunday to set up a meeting time.  I am praying for you dear friend.  Remember, when you are weak, He is strong.  I Love you.

I didn't tell me friend I felt weak...we've met enough together that she was able to zero in on exactly where I was struggling even though I only sent her a choppy text. I love that she helped me redirect my focus to God.

The rest of this day, starting the new job, learning many new things, and interacting with many people...I was absolutely aware that I was weak and that God was my strength and my encouragement.  My friend's encouragement  allowed me to get my eyes off myself and how inadequate I felt, and redirect my thoughts to anticipation about how God will be using me in my new job and how God will use my new job to refine me.

 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

The night watch....Day 20

"night watch" by leanne

When my youngest son was a toddler he had a hard time falling asleep at night unless he was absolutely convinced of my presence.  We had a rich nighttime routine with stories,  prayers, naming all the baseball teams on his pillow case and then a lullaby.  The problem was that as soon as I stopped singing and lifted my hand off of his back, he would cry out for me.  What I ended up doing was kneeling next to his bed with my hand on his back until he drifted off to sleep,  and then I would slowly, millimeter by millimeter, lift my hand off his back, and continue to sing while crawling quietly out of his room so that my shadow moving did not disturb him.  I know sleep and parenting experts might scoff at my approach, but it worked for me and my son during that season of life...he falls asleep fine by himself now :)

But, today I was thinking about more recent times...when I have quietly crawled into my son's room so as not to disturb him...gently placed my hand on his head and quietly prayed my heart out for him as my tears fall onto his pillow.  Sometimes he stirs a little, but usually he has no idea I have been there at all.  A mother's heart is a mysterious thing...most things that awaken me in the middle of the night I find annoying, but, when God wakes me and stirs my heart to intercede and love my son through prayer  I count it as a privilege. The intensity of connection with God during those night watches is exhausting and beautiful at the same time.  I can be crying in heartache and be grateful that I have a Healer to cry out to all at the same time.  My prayers aren't fancy...they are messy and sometimes wordless, but my Father in Heaven hears my heart...better than a hallelujah sometimes.

God loves a lullaby

In a mother's tears in the dead of night

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

lyrics from Better Than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant

Mini-van moments...day 19

"God has plans"

Minivan moments…

I have had several in my life.

Here are just a few:

I remember…

-getting a speeding ticket for going 90 mph in our red mini van…yep, it is possible

-learning that if you leave the van’s sliding door open overnight (accidentally) AND there just happens to be some  scattered french fries, string cheese,  and possibly Fruit by the Foot on the floor of the van, that mice will try to make their home there

-sitting in traffic listening to Jungle Jam, Veggie Tales, and Adventures in Odyssey with the kids makes going 5 mph for 10 miles bearable

-playing the “door game” until the door flew off and we had to drive to the auto body shop with the sliding door inside the van and explain that we were playing a game

-sleeping in the back of  the van when the rain soaked our tent while camping

-learning a lot about my kids’s friendships by listening to the carpool chatter.

-forgetting to do a head count before strapping the kids into their car seats and consequently leaving one in the parking lot in his infant carrier (sorry Brian)

But the story that I remember most  happened in the midst of an utterly ugly attitude day. 

At the time I was a young mom with 4 kids…ages 5 and under….yep it was an intense time in life!

On this particular day, I was frazzled, impatient and grouchy. My oldest, Emily missed the bus to kindergarten which meant I had to scramble to get the other kids dressed, and in their car seats in order  to drive Emily to school. 

It was one of those mornings when apple juice spilled, Brian needed his bottle, Sarah didn’t want to get dressed, and Jeff was in the middle of a building project with his Duplo blocks.

I was feeling aggravated and completely unaware of God’s presence in the moment.  On the short one mile drive to school I complained  rather loudly to the kids about everything that had gone wrong that morning.  As my tirade was winding down and we were pulling into the school parking lot…I heard Emily say, “Ya know mom…the bible says God has a plan for everyone’s life…this must be his plan for you!”

Humbled…check

Convicted…check

Blessed….double check

I will never forget that mini-van moment and I can still hear Emily’s sweet voice like it was yesterday. She didn’t say the words as criticism, or cynically, or even as some sort of “pat answer” solution to my woes.  She said it in her “supposing” voice as if she has been mulling it over and applied what she knew about God’s word to the situation.

Since then I have replayed that little exchange hundreds of times in my mind.  Sometimes during really rough times, when nothing seems to make sense…I still apply it.  Not in a simplistic way, but in a way, by God’s grace,  that  allows me to be at peace when I can’t fill in all the blanks…when I can layer the unanswered questions  with  the truth I know about God and his character and his love for me.

As the youth pastor at our church, Phil EuBank says, “If you have a pulse, God has a plan!”

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

These words of mine...Day 18




"teach them to your children"

 

I was thinking today about reading to my kids.  That is something I really miss now that they are older.  Because I wasn't raised in a Christian home, I didn't hear many stories from the Bible until I began reading them to my own children.

I remember starting with chunky board books with stories about Noah and the Ark, and Daniel and Lion's Den, David and Goliath, and the Christmas and Easter stories. 

Next, the kids received their first Bibles with large letters and lots of pictures. 

Slowly they outgrew the need for pictures and large print and they began to read out of their student bibles with special sections for application.

I think reading the Bible stories with my children as they were growing up impacted my understanding and trust in God as much as it did for them.  

As I revisit the memory of reading Bible stories to my kids,  I see the wisdom of God's words in a whole new light.   I always thought Deuteronomy 11:18-19 was written for the children's benefit, but now I realize that God admonishing me to "teach His word to my children....when I am at home and on the road...when I am going to bed and getting up" was every bit as much for my benefit as it was for theirs. 

I look forward to the day when I will be able to read some of the same stories to grandchildren and fully anticipate, that when I do, he will use the familiar words to teach me something new.

So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.  Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 (New Living Translation)

Marriage in the shadow of the cross...Day 17

"marriage in the shadow of the cross" -by leanne*

Lots of emotion, little sleep, fearfulness, layers of challenges and a little selfishness create a recipe for Satan to get a foothold in my mind.  Today,  I heard my words sounding impatient and critical toward my husband in the midst of a challenging situation.  I kept bouncing back and forth...from soft-hearted and compassionate to snippy and sullen.   As I prayed with my husband at the height of this challenging day, and confessed my weakness and vulnerability, God's grace washed over me and brightened my heart freeing me to demonstrate love as God intended...and that felt humbling, peaceful, and victorious all at the same time. 

In the shadow of the cross I will rest,
For with everlasting peace I am blest;
Here I dwell in love unknown,
Streaming down from heaven’s throne,
In the shadow of the cross I will rest.

In the shadow of the cross, blessed place!
Living only for the Lord, by His grace;
What He says I’ll gladly do,
Ever standing firm and true,
In the shadow of the cross, blessed place!

lyrics from In the Shadow of the Cross by William Henry and Clara Brook

*being exhausted by the time I started working on the blog tonight I did not have the time or energy to draw..these are treasured "found" objects...rocks and twigs collected by my son, Brian.  They are on a background I painted using acrylic paint and then photographed and  digitally edited with a "poster edges filter"

Running to your arms...Day 16



"Oh, I'm running to your arms."

There are no words to adequately describe the experience of pure, authentic worship.

At a youth camp I was at this weekend, as I talked and prayed with students and felt the burden of their pain and struggles seep into my own heart ,one thing I found myself doing was falling into a deep communion time with God during our worship....as we began to sing "Forever Reign" by Hillsong, time didn't seem to exist.  I don't know if we sang for 5 minutes or 5 hours...it was like a timeless connection with God that I will never forget. 

Hillsong Forever Reign

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it’s sting

Oh, I’m running to your arms,
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I’m made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

//My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus//

//Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign  



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc

Road map...Day 15

Show me the way to go by Leanne

Tonight I am at a youth group retreat and am really tired, so this will be a short blog tonight.

The drawing I did today depicts my heart’s longing to completely surrender my hopes and aspirations, as well as fears and uncertainties with complete unswerving trust in God’s plan. And I have a long way to go.

I am grateful  I have God’s word as my road map and that he is the navigator…not me!

I am also grateful that I can look at where I have been, where I am right now, and a small glimpse of where I am going... and be able to see even that when God seems quiet in my life, he is been guiding me through his Word, wise counsel from others and his Holy Spirit.

Psalm 32:8

 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
   I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

A "David" sort of day....Day 14

Psalm 40: 1-3

 I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry...

He lifted me out of the slimy pit.

out of the mud and the mire;

he set my feet on a rock,

and gave me a firm place to stand...

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the Lord.

Goodbye hamburger, Hello ice-cream...Day 13



ice-cream by Leanne



For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves. 

It is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast."

Ephesians 2: 8-9

When my son, Jeff was about 3 years old (now 20), we were at McDonald's as a family.  Jeff had eaten most of his fries, but just a couple bites of his hamburger.  He asked me if he could get some ice-cream.  I told him that first his hamburger had to be all gone.  He stood up with his hamburger in his hand and sprinted over to the garbage can and threw his hamburger into it, as he announced, "All gone!  I need some ice-cream!"

I love the simplicity of his reasoning. 

Why do I complicate things so often?  Especially when it comes to my sin?

When I find myself up to my eyeballs in sin...the best thing I can do it drop to my knees and confess my sin to God.  But sometimes I find myself doing complicated things instead...trying to deal with the sin on my own.  Sometimes I rationalize it, or I disguise it, or try to make up for it by doing a bunch of "good things" as if I can somehow balance out sinning against a holy God by doing a few good things "for him"!

But I don't need to do any of that.  Instead, I need to "pull a Jeff".  Jesus died for my sins...PERIOD!  There is nothing we can add to what he did...nothing extra we need to do.  Jesus takes my hamburger for me...he throws it away (as far as the east is from the west)*...tells me "It's all gone! And then says, "Here's your ice-cream."

By God's loving kindness and grace; by his costly gift of allowing his only son, Jesus to die on the cross for my sins, God has lavished his mercy, grace, forgiveness, and restoration on me.  Good bye hamburger...hello ice-cream!

*As far as the east is from the west,
         So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

Radiant like a pig...Day 12

"Radiant" by Leanne

Do you remember Wilbur, the pig in the children’s book, Charlotte's Web?  In a effort to convince people that Wilbur was unique and therefore his life worth sparing, his dear spider-friend , Charlotte, spun webs with words to describe Wilbur…and Wilbur tried hard to live up to those words.  One of the words Charlotte spun into her web was “RADIANT”. 

I identify with Wilbur’s challenge!

Sometimes I feel like a pig trying to look radiant!

The last few days when I gaze in the mirror I have seen “WEARY”, “DULL”, “STRAINED”….but definitely not “RADIANT”.  This saddens me and certainly dims my witness for Jesus.

Today in my quiet time I came across this sentence and camped out on it for awhile:

“Live radiantly by expanding your focus to include Me in all your moments. 

Let nothing dampen your search for me.”

From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

There is one particular life situation that I have been facing everyday for months… and almost everyday I allow it to darken my countenance.  So during my time with Jesus this morning I thanked him for reminding me that whether I am radiant or not depends on where I am gazing…or better yet, at whom I am gazing.

Radiant: vividly bright and shining; glowing; marked by or expressive of love, confidence, or happiness.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

Psalm 34:5

Be my umbrella...Day 11



He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
   will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,
   my God, in whom I trust."
psalm 91:1-2

Last night I took my son to the Picasso exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum.  Having broken his collar bone the day before and being in considerable pain I was very wary about him even going, but it was very important to him so we went.  With a brace holding his arm and collar bone as stable as possible and a good dose of pain medication we headed to the museum.  Even though we had a reserved time to attend, it was very crowded. I wanted to do my best to protect Brian from people bumping into him and tried to navigate clear paths  and shield him from people walking into him.  I sort of felt like Brian’s umbrella.

I am experiencing the weight of the past few weeks and my increasing responsibilities taking a toll on me. Most everyday I have a quiet time with God in the same place and the same time each day…a time of stillness and listening,  reading His word, and prayer. It is an "ALWAYS"…an essential in my life.

But today,  as I was racing around, I found myself  holding my devotional in one hand while brushing my teeth with the other in order to get out the door in time for bible study! It wasn’t that I got up late….it is just that a lot of unplanned things have sprouted up recently and I am out of sync. In addition to that, I am not  a very efficient person and my mind it always leap frogging from one thought to some other tangential thought…even on a good day!

 In the past few weeks  a sense of well-being and peace has seemed  more and more elusive.  Instead, worry and trying to figure out how I am going to make everything work has filled my thoughts.

Later this afternoon, As I stepped outside to get in the car to pick up Brian from an after school meeting, the rain was coming down hard and I thought again about umbrellas. …but this time, not in relation to protecting someone else, but in relation to experiencing God covering me. I felt so overwhelmed and in that state of weakness I cried outloud…”God, I need you to be my umbrella”.  After a few minutes of driving and crying and just feeling like I needed someone to take care of me, it occurred to me that I often hear myself saying…"I need God to be "this" for me," or "I need God to be "that" for me."  But the truth is God is God.  He is everything I need.  God is already my umbrella.  

Lesson 1: The feeling of coming undone is just an indicator that I have wandered out from under my umbrella into the land of worry and trying to control things on my own.  STAY UNDER THE UMBRELLA!

Lesson 2: Even when an umbrella is up and keeping a person protected from the rain…it doesn’t stop the rain from falling down. EVEN THOUGH GOD IS MY UMBRELLA, SOMETIMES THE STORM RAGES ON.

So while there is a mountain of laundry waiting to be done on the couch, logistics to figure out about the coming days, a dinner to make, and a support group to lead tonight… all the rain coming down…I am retreating for a few minutes to get myself back under God’s umbrella in my heart, mind, and spirit. Then I will be able to carry on in with a peaceful spirit and hopeful anticipation.









Comfort gap...day 10



I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirst for you like a parched land.
Psalm 143:6

Today's art depicts the helpless feeling I experienced today when there was nothing I could do personally to lessen the pain my son was feeling. I wanted to do something...anything!  There was a gap between what I had to offer and what he needed.  In the midst of the worst pain I reached out to my friends for prayer.  God heard my cries and the prayers of dear friends...he gave Brian exceptional endurance to hang in there through the pain and he gave me comfort to hang in there alongside him. 

There are many times in life when my personal resources and my strength are terribly insufficient to meet the needs or challenges of the moment.  But when there are long periods between those "crying out" times and "easier times" I tend to get self-reliant...even arrogant about my strength and abilities. Today it is very clear to me that no matter how strong, or wise, or athletic, or creative, or resourceful, or caring, or compassionate  I might be...any of those things are not enough.  I sure don't feel self-reliant today...just grateful for the privilege of approaching God in prayer and grateful that God covered all my gaps with his amazing and limitless storehouse of love, strength, healing, comfort.

The truth is Jesus was holding me and Brian all day, I just needed to surrender my weakness into his comforting and everlasting arms.

In a moment...Day 9

With four kids who have all played sports, our family has had its fair share of stitches and broken bones  After each injury, I’m always reminded that life can change in an instant…

 It is true…each moment of our lives is a gift and one moment can change everything.   I had two experiences in the last 24 hours that are lingering in my thoughts right now. 

Today my son Brian was playing soccer.  One moment he was running down the field and the next moment he collided with another player and fractured his collar bone….at the hospital, as I listened to him share some of the discouragement and frustration over how this injury changes many of the hopes and plans he had in place for the next several weeks, I felt badly for him.  It also reminded me how a moment changes so much.

Last night, I had the privilege of tagging along with the youth group from our church and taking part in a ministry to share Jesus’ love with homeless people in downtown Seattle.  My son, Brian and I met Barry, who has been living on the streets for 11 years.  I wanted to know his story and I noticed he was reading a book so I asked him about it…it was a western.  As we talked about reading, he told us more about his life. He told us about his grandmother who was a Christian and he let us know that somewhere in his overflowing shopping cart was a bible.  When we asked him if we could pray with him he said, “Yeah, pray that I gat saved before I die.”  We talked some more... and the more we talked the more I realized that even though he knew the bible well, and he seemed to believe in God…he didn’t believe God...he seemed to think he had to make himself “good” before he could approach Jesus.  We had a fairly long discussion about grace but he kept telling us how he planned to get right with God "someday"…that it was something he has been meaning to do.   

I hope I get to talk with him again soon.  He can be saved before he dies…in a moment…and that moment would change everything. 

As our conversation drew to a close my heart felt uneasy because even though everything can change in a moment, it is also true that a life can end in a moment.  

How sad…no, how TRAGIC it would be if Barry dies tonight before he cries out to Jesus and how wrong of me that I didn’t communicate as clearly as God wanted me to with Barry about the urgency of embracing God as his Lord  and Savior.  And how tragic it is if we live as if tomorrow is guaranteed and so we  put off doing what God is pressing on our hearts to do today!

I want to live each moment intentionally for my Savior...

I HAVE NO ONE...Day 8

...and his sign read,
"HOMELESS  HUNGRY
SICK & TIRED
ANYTHING HELPS
I HAVE NO ONE"

A couple of my children have been involved in a homeless ministry (Lights Out) with their youth group for a couple of years.  I have to admit that it seemed sort of scary to see my teenagers go to downtown Seattle on a Saturday night and walk the streets striking up conversations with the homeless and offering them sack lunches, and  new socks and hats.

Then, in October, I had the opportunity to experience the ministry with my kids.  Before we left for church to pack the lunches, I sat in the living room with my kids and told them I was feeling a little anxious about the whole thing.  Both of my boys told me that once I get there I will completely forget about my anxiety.  They were right.

At our church 30 teenagers busily put together sack lunches, piled them in their backpacks and then gathered to pray.  Next we loaded up in the vans and drove downtown. 

Once there, we split into smaller groups so we wouldn't overwhelm anyone with our size.  At this point I was still a bit nervous.  We walked a short way and turned a corner, and there, huddled under an overpass were several homeless people trying to stay warm and dry on a very wet and chilly October night. 

At that point I truly experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit as my fear instantly vanished.  There was an middle-aged woman on the ground, holding her knees to her chest and I sat down next to her.  I introduced myself, and learned her name.  She seemed weak and cold and I took a lunch and some socks out of my backpack and handed them to her.  She raised up her hands and showed me 2 fingers, and pointed to the man curled up asleep near her.  She was trying to care for her companion too.  I gave her another lunch and pair of socks.  This woman didn't speak much English but we still had a conversation...maybe not fully understanding one another, but definitely connecting. 

All of a sudden I realized that the whole time we had been talking I had been grasping her hands in mine and I cold feel her cold skin against my warmth.  I learned from our time together that she was sick (the cough she had was terrible) and that she had been homeless for 8 months.  I asked her if it would be alright if I prayed with her and she squeezed my hands even tighter and we prayed.  By then the rest of the group was ready to move on.  Oh my, it was really hard to pull away knowing I had done so little for someone in such need...but I was glad that she and her friend would have lunches to eat and some thick socks for their feet just for this one night, anyway.

That night as we returned home I felt conflict ...the same conflict my children have expressed to me as these nights in downtown Seattle linger in their minds.  After all,  what we did was just a tiny, tiny, tiny drop in the bucket.  Then again, sometimes God uses little drops in the bucket to do his work...but even that sounds too cliche to me.  The truth is...I don't know how to end this post...there is so much to be done....there is another "Lights Out" tonight...

Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can. -John Wesley

 Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

James 2:15-16 (The Message)

Layering and Excavating...Day 7

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free.  Stand firm, then,

and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yolk of slavery. 

Galatians 5:1

I had a art gone bad day!  But God STILL used the experience to reveal himself to me. 

Today I tried a collage process called "layering and excavating" which basically involves adding and subtracting from a piece of work until the piece is done. My idea was to do a piece based on Galatians 5:1 which is the cornerstone verse of a bible study I am involved in right now. 

I layered text from the book of Galatians, scraps of paper, a photo of a hand with chains dropping from it's wrist that I digitally edited, layers of acrylic gel medium, paint...and a few other things.  I was suppose to let the gel dry before applying a layer of paint and then rubbing it into the word "free" that I had etched all over the collage. 

Well....I was impatient to get to the finished product so I applied the paint BEFORE the gel dried, then quickly proceeded to the rubbing process which resulted in the whole hand I had adhered to the piece rubbing off. I was so FRUSTRATED.  I needed to distance myself, so I walked away for a few minutes and then came back to the project to see if there was any way at all I could salvage it. 

This is the amazing part.  When I came back to the piece I realized that the shape left in the middle from where the hand ripped off was in the shape of a heart!

Lessons:

Layering: God takes all of our worry, wounds, weaknesses, and sin and layers them them with his peace, healing, strength, and grace.

Excavating: God uncovers  things in our lives that don’t belong there (John 15)…things that dim our witness, cause others to stumble…sin.  Often as  he excavates, treasures are revealed to us that were previously obscured (like the heart).

Patience: Today I was in a hurry because I wanted to get to the finished project but God is not like that.  There is value and purpose in the process and he is painstakingly patient with us as he does his layering and excavating work.

God is so caring to bless me with these lessons…all from one messed up piece of art!

Manicure revisted...Day 6

"manicure revisted"

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

My very first manicure was done by a very serious 4 year old boy.  Standing on one side of a tiny table placed in the doorway of his bedroom, Brian had all my nail polish bottles spread out so his “customer” could choose her favorite color.

I knelt on the other side of the table, choose my color, then spread my hands out on the table and my little nail artist went to work.

With the manual dexterity of a 4 year old and the artistic "sense of purpose" of Michelangelo, Brian carefully painted my nails.  I watched his little face as he exerted great effort to make the nail polish go where he wanted it to.  His little brow furrowed in frustration from time to time as nail polish ended up not just on my nails, but my hands, his hands, the table, and his face when he reached up to scratch his cheek. I kept saying, “Wow, look how beautiful you’re making Mommy’s fingernails!”  And, “Oh, Brian you are so good at this…I can’t wait for my friends to see the amazing job you did!” 

I think the encouragement meshed with his artistic nature spurred him on. Before long I had not just the color I chose on my nails, but Brian used colors from every bottle on his little table!

I could see him growing more confident and freer in how he was painting as I encouraged him along.  Finally he stopped painting, looked up at my face and he said, “How’s that?”

I said, “I love how you painted my nails. “Will you paint my toenails too?”

I think it took about 4 hours for all that nail polish to actually dry!  Two days later we went to church.  Brian’s teacher noticed my fingernails as I signed him into his classroom.  I told her that Brian had painted them and she told me how beautiful they looked.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Brian beaming with his twinkly-eyed smile.

This memory is as clear as if it happened yesterday. And it reminds me of how God is with each of us.  He gives us unique gifts, passions and abilities.  He allows us to seek him in discovering how he wants us to use those gifts.  He gives us the courage to step out and use those gifts even when they are still raw and we have a long road of learning and growing to do.  Sometimes we make a mess of things…but that’s okay…God sees the heart behind the mess. 

It is so freeing to being able to use gifts with great abandon within the safety of God’s boundaries (His Word).  I think about how much I want to honor God with my life and gifts…and sometimes, like during times of transition, I feel a little hesitant, but then once I venture out and “start painting those nails” and I feel God’s encouragement, pleasure, and even His correction in my Spirit…I respond by wanting to use the things he’s placed in my life with even greater enthusiasm and sense of purpose. 

By, the way, about the manicure…it is still the best one I have ever received …I have had 4 others since then, but it is the only one done by someone who loves me!  And as for Brian, now he is 18 and paints for Jesus with his music, film, and heart for the lost...and I see the EXACT same look on his face when he does those things as when he painted my nails!

SWING...Day 5

"mood swing"

Well, I got up this morning and enjoyed a cup of coffee and a time of quiet devotion...my bible and journal open as I soaked up what God was placing on my heart and mind.  Then I prayed about those things.  As I closed my bible and opened my eyes, I saw my rabbit, Jamba running around like Seattle Seahawk, Marshawn Lynch which made me laugh outloud!  I stood up feeling great anticipation for the day ahead!

Not an hour later...I am not sure what happened, but I found myself on a little piece of playground equipment I like to call my "mood swing".  UGH!  No one pushed me, no one was even up yet...but there I was in full motion.

  Sometimes I get so frustrated when I am focused on God and purpose in my heart to honor him through my choices, actions, attitudes, and conversation throughout the day…and then a short time later find myself  getting bent out of shape about something trivial…and sometimes nothing at all. 

This got me thinking about how I long to be steadfast and full of kindness toward others with  words and actions…and not be tempted to give into momentary grumpiness or unreasonableness!  How good that would be for me and how good for my relationships.  GROWTH AREA!  I am thankful that the One who is working in me to become more like him...and forgives me when I fail, is STEADFAST 100% of the time!

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be. Thomas Chisholm

Finally, I was reminded by Phil Eubank, the Student Ministry Pastor at Westminster Chapel  tonight that I am not the one holding onto Jesus...he is holding onto me!

"CLOPENED DOORS"....Day 4

I've heard people say that God opens and closes doors in a persons life.  Right now I am experiencing a combination...I would say that God is "clopening" doors in my life right now.  And, while it is true that sometimes I feel like I am not sure I am coming or going...feelings can be deceiving.   What is true is that I am not exactly coming or going...it is more like I am becoming. And I am not sure that makes sense to anyone...it is only beginning to make sense to me.

In the sketch I did today, there is a door with a welcome mat...instead of the mat welcoming me in....it is welcoming me out.   It is like God beckoning me to trust and step through the door. welcoming me on a new adventure with him.  I want to be courageous and authentic on my journey...sometimes I am neither...but that is what I yearn to be. So today, as I feel more comfortable than I did even yesterday about being on the threshold of a new chapter in my life I am comforted knowing that God has plans and they are good...plans to give me a future and a hope...my job is to seek him with my whole heart.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New King James Version)

SEEING OLD THINGS IN NEW WAYS...Day 3

"You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You"
 From God Makes All Things New by Steven Curtis Chapman

I have been thinking through the idea of my roles in life changing right now and today during my quiet time God helped me understand that He truly is transforming me by his love and  through my changing roles, new experiences, and through relationships...including learning how to come alongside my young adult children.

So my art project today was to take some objects in my life and think about how, in small ways, they represent this transformation process.

The picture at the top of the page represents a phase of motherhood that involved helping with homework, and preparing meals for my family.  Those were loving things...but now they look different.  For instance, my daughter, who used to go into "vapor lock" in middle school over homework, will now send me amazing papers to proof read and I have the pleasure of feeling in awe of her growth and at the subject matter she is wrestling through at Moody Bible Insitute...and reading her papers challenge me...sometimes my brain even smokes when I am reading them! I like that.The second picture is the word "love" made from a bunch of hats.  When my son, Brian was young I made sure he stayed warm when he played outside in the winter...now I have the privilege of coming alongside him and his heart to show Christ's love to the homeless in downtown Seattle.  Brian's youth group goes downtown one night a month to share conversations and  offer hats and gloves and socks to the homeless people they meet.  It is a student led ministry but it is wonderful to be able to come alongside the little boy I used to nag to put on his hat on cold days and now knit hats  for this young man so that he  can give them away to help the homeless stay a little warmer on cold winter nights.

The third picture is the word "love" spelled out using family photos.  They used to just seem like a monumental pile of photos that I needed to deal with someday.  Now they represent a visual story of my family's life...the ups mostly (and some of the downs).  It is valuable to have God's faithfulness documented visually through family photos.  The pictures show physical growth, but also relational growth in all of us...including the wedding photos of my daughter Emily (Nathan), and the photo of the kids just this past Christimas surrounding their great grandma and  intentionally taking time to tell her how much they treasure her.

The fourth photo is of some of the many books I have read or am currently reading to help me become a better wife, a better mother, and a better disciple of Jesus.  As I look at all these books I realize reading most of them was motivated by the particular challenge of the moment...but wanting to learn and grow through those challenges was motivated by love for my Savior and love for my family. I actually dislike reading so I was amazed to see how many books I have pushed myself through just in the areas of parenting and prayer....so I even see books in a new way...they show me that as woefully inadequate as I feel sometimes as a wife and a mother that God has faithfully equipped me every step of the way...most importantly through his Word and his grace and comfort when I fail...but also through the wise words of others who are further along in the journey than I am. 
He truly is "WONDERFUL COUNSELOR"