The night watch....Day 20

"night watch" by leanne

When my youngest son was a toddler he had a hard time falling asleep at night unless he was absolutely convinced of my presence.  We had a rich nighttime routine with stories,  prayers, naming all the baseball teams on his pillow case and then a lullaby.  The problem was that as soon as I stopped singing and lifted my hand off of his back, he would cry out for me.  What I ended up doing was kneeling next to his bed with my hand on his back until he drifted off to sleep,  and then I would slowly, millimeter by millimeter, lift my hand off his back, and continue to sing while crawling quietly out of his room so that my shadow moving did not disturb him.  I know sleep and parenting experts might scoff at my approach, but it worked for me and my son during that season of life...he falls asleep fine by himself now :)

But, today I was thinking about more recent times...when I have quietly crawled into my son's room so as not to disturb him...gently placed my hand on his head and quietly prayed my heart out for him as my tears fall onto his pillow.  Sometimes he stirs a little, but usually he has no idea I have been there at all.  A mother's heart is a mysterious thing...most things that awaken me in the middle of the night I find annoying, but, when God wakes me and stirs my heart to intercede and love my son through prayer  I count it as a privilege. The intensity of connection with God during those night watches is exhausting and beautiful at the same time.  I can be crying in heartache and be grateful that I have a Healer to cry out to all at the same time.  My prayers aren't fancy...they are messy and sometimes wordless, but my Father in Heaven hears my heart...better than a hallelujah sometimes.

God loves a lullaby

In a mother's tears in the dead of night

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

lyrics from Better Than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant